Bad Sentences Of Gor Interpreted

First published on 2/19/2013

It would be stupid, or absurd, as I suspected, if not dangerous, to pretend to a belligerent stance, to protest, or threaten, or to appeal to legalities, the purport of which might well be aligned precisely against one, then perhaps, I thought, one might appeal to the pity, the mercies, of one's captors Image source: Device Bondage.com.

I've been working my way through Witness of Gor, the Gor novel Norman wrote after his long hiatus from writing Gor novels when he lost his publisher, DAW Books. I'm only about halfway through Witness, which so far has been one long slavegirl fantasy-fest.

Even so, it's full of Norman's trademark comma-clause laden sentences. I've picked out some of the longer, more comma-enriched sentences because hey, they're so much fun you gotta share. I've also interpreted a few for the lengthy-sentence impaired. Those who regard Hemingway's spare prose will no doubt burst a blood vessel, however, there's all kinds of fun to be had with all kinds of different prose styles, and if you can't enjoy Norman's, even knowing their flaws full well, I'll just let that be your problem. Otherwise, enjoy!

The will by the rule of which, by the decision of which, I, and perhaps others, might be confined would doubtless be remote from the instrumentalities by means of which the dictates of that will would be enacted.

Interpretation: The Big Boss don't mess with the details.

My mood, or fit, of indignation, or resolve, of protest, of momentary righteousness, of transitory belligerence, such a futile bellicosity, soon passed.

Interpretation: My mood soon passed.

It would be stupid, or absurd, as I suspected, if not dangerous, to pretend to a belligerent stance, to protest, or threaten, or to appeal to legalities, the purport of which might well be aligned precisely against one, then perhaps, I thought, one might appeal to the pity, the mercies, of one's captors.

Interpretation: Rather than try to bully the men while naked and chained, I should probably act all helpless and stuff.

I did not think, really, given the fact that I was here, the presumed methodicality of my arrival in this place, the presumably routine manner of my incarceration, the nature of my cell, or kennel, suggesting that it was not unique, that my presence here would not be its first occupancy nor its last, the unlikelihood that there was anything special about me, the probability that I was only one of several such as myself, that my pleas would move my captors.

Interpretation: I was probably not the first woman in this cell.

I turned, of course, immediately and fell to my knees, putting my head down to the lavender grass, as was its color here, in this portion of the garden, the palms of my hands down, too, on the grass, beside my head.

Interpretation: Lavender grass? o0

I was ravening.

Interpretation: I found myself, unaccountably, perhaps not amazingly, interested in sustenance, or food, the mere thought of which sent my mind into paroxysms of desire for some sweet, delicate, delicious morsel, or chunk, of tasty comestibles, my tongue almost tasting itself, in my implacable desire for the least, or perhaps even the most, bit of that thing which I, hitherto unknowing, uninterested, was now forced by circumstances to consider, at last, of paramount importance: food.

Too, I do not think it had to do merely with an accent, though they surely had such, an accent which appeared distinctively, oddly, in words they uttered in various languages, languages some of which I could recognize, though I could not speak them, as the doors were opened, and which, on the other hand, seemed so natural, so apt, in their discourse among themselves.

Interpretations: Some of these guys had funny accents even in languages I didn't know.

The Appeal of A Collar

First published on 2/4/2013

That's one big honkin' collar on that slavegirl! Image source: Sex and Submission.com.

Not until I had been playing Gor for a while did I come to understand the appeal of collars. For securing slaves in positions in which they can be used with impunity, wrist cuffs, ankles cuffs and head harnesses are much more useful. But collars have a nice visual appeal. They identify the wearer as a slave, an animal, especially big honkin' metal collars like this one that can't POSSIBLY be mistaken for a necklace (as some slave collars are clearly designed to be -- once again, plausible deniability!).

In combination with chains and a gag as seen above, it's just incredibly fricking hot. Helpless and gagged.

I guess my general aversion to collars is a matter of safety ... necks are very fragile things, securing people by them is dangerous, if you don't know what you're doing, and really, even if you do. But they do have a certain slavey quality that lends them (and their wearers) great visual appeal. I imagine that the fashion of wearing necklaces got started as Roman matrons grew tired of watching their husbands ogling the sexy slavegirls slinking past in their sexy, sexy collars. Next thing you know, necklaces are all the rage, but here's the thing ... the REASON collars are sexy is that the wearer is a slavegirl, and may be used as one wishes. And I'm betting that the first free women that adopted that hot, sexy, scandalous necklace fashion, was signalling to her husband that he could treat her like a slavegirl in bed. Nice! Of course, I'm just theorizing here ... but such FUN theorizing!

That's what you get for wearing one of those newfangled necklace collars! Image source: Sex and Submission.com.

Jean-Leon Gerome: Bringing Class To Paga Taverns Since The 1800s

First published on 6/28/2012

"Romans! Check out this barbarian woman! She actually shaves her armpits! You know what that means ... she will do ANYTHING in your furs!" Image source: Jean-Leon Gerome: The Complete Works. Check it out for many more images of slavegirls being sold and lounging about in harems.

Back in the 1800s, there was no bondage porn. There was porn, but it was mostly very crappy stuff. Fortunately, there was Art. And some artists found that the public really liked images of harems and slave girls being sold and and looking all sexy and sensuous in harems.

One of the chief among them was Jean-Leon Gerome, a painter of the Academist style who lived and worked in France in the latter part of the 18th Century. The reason I discovered him is, whenever someone in Second Life Gor decorates a paga tavern or a slave kennel, or sometimes their own hovel, and they want to give things a "classy" look, about half the time they'll use paintings by Gerome.

As I've noted before, an awful lot of women play in Second Life Gor.

I find it amusing that this kinda stick-in-the-mud artist who disliked Impressionism but clearly had NO problem illustrating slavegirl fantasies, should show up so often in an obscure virtual world environment a century after his death (in 1904). The world is an interesting place, indeed.

I personally prefer less tasteful tavern art. Paga taverns are supposed to be raunchy. Image source: sex and submission.com.

Second Life Gor Evolved By The Book

First published on 5/15/2012

"Well, I WAS going to roleplay baking some poison-laced cookies for a black caste assassin today, but he IS much better at pointing and clicking his mouse than I am!" Image source: Fucking Dungeon.com.

The original split in Second Life Gor happened about seven years ago, maybe six years. Second Life Gor was in its early stages first characterized by the growth of sims featuring Gorean roleplay, mostly involving cities. Almost as soon as that happened, outlaws, pirates and panther groups arose. Their natural opponents, other than each other, were the cities of Second Life Gor. Because the outlaws, panthers and pirates were more prone to fight, by the nature of their groups, than the cities, which had all kinds of peaceful roles (scribes, merchants, bakers, candlemakers, administrators, etc.) the outlaw groups tended to win fights most of the time. Eventually, they began to win almost all the time.

The problem was exacebated by the tendency of male players to enjoy combat more and for female players to enjoy roleplay more, and the tendency of the pirates, panthers and outlaws to ally to attack the cities. And there were also Xenas, players who disliked Gor and who played Gor, became outlaws, pirates or panthers and expressed their feelings by thoroughly kicking the asses of the big, bad Gorean Masters in the cities, in game. The end result, to hear some tell it, was that cities got rolled over on an almost hourly basis by wave after endless wave of hordes of fighting outlaws, panthers and pirates, making roleplay impossible (ninjas were apparently the only holdout here, though I did hear a rumor that such a raid did occur once).

Eventually, the cities enacted rules on their sims that female outlaws with bows (the most effective weapon in SL Gor you will recall) could not visit their cities, as such women were not seen in the Gor novels. Also, panther bands could not attack cities in large numbers because in the books panther bands and outlaw bands were small, weak groups that could never have matched the warriors who guarded a city in numbers or military prowess. Since in SL Gor it was the outlaws and friends that had the numbers and the fighting prowess, so the Gorean city sims just used their banning powers to kick out anyone who did not play on their terms.

Since the Gorean city roleplayers claimed that they were expelling the outlaws on the grounds that they were not "by the book" (I have a lot of reservations with this claim) such city sims because known as "by the book" Gor. The bow-toting female outlaws and pirates and panther girls called themselves Gor Evolved, I guess in the sense that they felt they had evolved into something beyond by the book Gor. (I personally think that it's quite reasonable to assume the existence of female warriors and large bands of outlaws and pirates that might take over a city given the way Gor's culture and level of civilization is described in the Gor novels, so I see no need to add the term "Evolved" for accuracy, though it works just fine as a descriptive term so I use it because it's what everyone uses.)

And you might figure that since I play in Gor Evolved (GE Gor) I might be completely on the side of Gor Evolved, but I'm not. Mainly because I see the roleplayers' point: if you are intent on building up any kind of story type roleplay, being captured and forced to do hostage/prisoner/captive/slave roleplay all the time is a huge pain in the ass (possibly literally, if rape/torture roleplay is involved, as it sometimes is). Bakers and scribes and such probably did not constantly get captured even in as warlike a place as Gor is. And cities probably were able to fend off outlaws gangs most of the time, else they would not be cities for long. If you are trying to build up a complex character with a complex storyline, you can see how it would be annoying to have your roleplay constantly interrupted by someone who feels he had a right to take over your storyline because he (or she) has practiced playing Second Life Gor as an arcade game more than you have.

Some Gor Evolved advocates claim that the real reason that cities outlaws femlaws (female outlaws armed with bows) is that the by the book Gorean warriors were just butthurt over getting their asses kicked repeatedly in battle, which, let's face it, is kind of supported by that particular prohibition about female outlaws using the most powerful weapon in Second Life Gor roleplay. Others call by the book Gor "tea party Gor," which implies that by the book Gor is basically a dress-up tea party using the best dolls ever. There may be elements of truth to both implications, especially "tea party Gor" since cities tend to attract female players to a much greater degree than male players so much so that some female players have played male warriors, not because they found it appealing, but so that the other female players would have male warriors to interact with. Guys just don't want to play in that tea party.

I'm not an advocate of either of these views, Gor Evolved works for me because raiding is the MOST FUN EVAH! And I find that the downtime between raids is great for the other parts of Gorean roleplay, which in my case is doing funny stuff. Sometimes, funny, raunchy stuff, but mostly I enjoy parodying the hell out of the heroic Gorean warrior. My character is greedy, self-serving, loves to claim credit for what others achieve and vain, though he does fight bravely enough, not out of valor, but just because he thinks fighting is fun. Often all it requires is bragging artfully after a raid ... or during one. Easy enough to do between raids, and fun, fun, fun!

I wish the split between by the book cities and Gor Evolved outlaws were not so binary, and it's not really, because here's the dirty little secret of Second Life Gor: practically everyone has alts, that is, they have more than one avatar (Second Life allows players with free accounts to have up to eight avatars with different avatar names). So it's very possible to have a male warrior alt, a panther girl alt and a paga slut alt, if you want to do that. You can play in by the book Gor, Gor Evolved AND anything else you want to, if you have the time.

Wait a minute. Male warrior alt AND panther girl? Sure, I SAID some female players do that. I've even heard they are supposed to be tremendously good at playing male warriors, so much so that slavegirls players fall in love with the character. Which leads us to our next topic: OOC and IC.

Introducing Abercizer Plus!

First published on 1/23/2012

A thinner waist in 30 days or double your money kept! Image source: Fucking Dungeon.

NEW! From GORCO! It's the Abercizer Plus! Let's face it, gentlemen ... the REAL reason we don't work out our abs is that the exercises are BORING! There, we said it: BORING!

But now, with the help of Gorco's brilliant new invention, the Abercizer Plus, doing abs will be EXCITING and FUN. Just put the Abercizer Plus on your slavegirl and then do abs right on top of her! The sight of her squirming and moaning beneath you (don't forget to put the ballgag on her!) will encourage you to do abs with an enthusiasm you've never experienced before!

Never before has any exercise system directly addressed the issue of MOTIVATION! The Abercizer Plus ENCOURAGES you to use it by making every exercise experience an ORGASMIC experience. (For extra fun, FORBID your slave to orgasm and see how long SHE can last!)

It's not sold in stores, it's not sold on television, only in the remotest corners of the Internet, such as this one!

Offer void where prohibited by law. Slavegirls sold separately. If erection lasts longer than four hours, TELL EVERYBODY YOU KNOW ABOUT IT!

Alien-Themed Bordello To Open in Nevada

First pubilshed on 12/31/2011

"Wait ... what? LEGO Trekkies? And nobody mentioned group rates! What have I gotten myself into?" Image source: it's surprising what a resourceful fellow like me can do in Second Life.

News is hitting the celebrity blogs that bordello owner Dennis Hof (of the HBO reality series "Cathouse: The Series" fame) is planning to open an alien-themed bordello in Nevada. And no, it will not be full of Latin Americans. It will be a REAL alien bordello, with Slave Leias, Orion Slave Girls, Silurians from Doctor Who and Neytiri from Avatar on hand to offer sexual delights to all the guys whose plans to get laid at DragonCon fall through, as they so often do.

No word yet on whether or not Hof plans to include Gorean paga sluts in his business plan, but really, he's missing a bet if he does not.

Gagged, Naked Paga Slut Dances For Masters

First published on 12/3/2011

"Her dance was so hot it melted the tabletop candle even though it was not lit."

Got some new art up for my Cafe Press T-shirt shop, a Gorean paga slut dancing for free men in the confines of a paga tavern, wearing only a ball gag and a sex harness, not knowing which if any of them will drag her to an alcove and use her. Adds a whole new element to being a waitress! Check out my Sir Laughs-A-Lot shop here, all sorts of designs sure to bring shame and embarrassment to the whole family this Christmas!